Wednesday, September 19, 2007

One year ago...today!

I know I seem to be posting a lot of "downer" post lately...and seriously it is not my intention...but I couldn't let today go by without honoring my big brother...he died a year ago today...suddenly...he died of a heart attack at the very young age of 52! We were all so terribly shocked when we got the call...I just COULD NOT believe my big brother was gone...never to tease me...laugh with me...argue with me...remember with me..love me in spite of myself...ever again...on this earth...the brother who had protected me from all the bullies around when growing up...the brother who taught our baby sister to dance...the same brother who used to really aggravate the "heck" out of me growing up...the brother who thought it was his responsibility to tell my dad who I could and couldn't date...you know because he knew everyone...and not everyone was up to dating HIS sister...the brother who taught our little sister how to ride her bike and always...always...made her feel like she was a princess...after all he was 11 years older than she was...so he had lots of wonderful things to teach and share with her. The brother who gave me two wonderful and sweet nephews...the two nephews that have had to suffer more than they should at such a young age! The two nephews he called sons...the two people on earth he loved with everything he had! We all miss Gary...we will always miss him... I for one...hold many memories close to my heart...as I know my sister and nephews do, too... to me Gary was my only connection left to my past before my sister came into our lives in 1965...by then he and I were ole' pros's at being kids, siblings, cohorts, and such...after all we were 11 and 8 when she was born..he was the last person in my family to have known me since the day I was born...I don't know how to explain the "strange effect" that has had on me...I really can't explain it...b/c the memories are here in my heart just like he is...but I don't have him here to reminisce with...so that makes me sad..I mean there are 2 uncles that knew of me...but not someone left in my immediate family...so I lost a connection to my past along with my brother on that sunny day last September...We all lost something very special that day...for my sister a "big" brother who was her knight in shining armor on many occasions...to my nephews the man they called...dad...and looked up to as a friend, father, confidant and "fixer" of all things bad...a dad...who could do anything they needed for him to do...for me the sometimes "bigger" than life tough ole cowboy...that has always been a part of my life!! WE ALL MISS YOU...GARY...and always will...you old cowboy...you!!

16 comments:

The Feathered Nest said...

Oh sweetie. Your brother sounds like he was such a wonderful person...I'm so very sorry for your loss. No one can fill the spaces that these precious people leave in our lives. All we have are the wonderful memories we had with them and the promise that we will see them again one day...xxoo, Dawn

Rhoda @ Southern Hospitality said...

Hello, Teresa...so sorry to hear about your brother. That happens all too often these days.

just wanted to stop by & say hello.

Rhoda

Sandi McBride said...

Darling T, when I say I know what you mean, I know what you mean...I lost my brother Mark in a traffic accident 10 years ago. He was 25, had not had a chance to marry and have children, we lost him so young, and I was on duty when the message came in and so was the Deputy who was called to deliver a death message, the dispatcher was new and didn't know it was my brother...a hell of a day...and I miss him everyday. I think my mother began dying that day, she was gone a mere 3 years later...we work through our grief, though, don't we? Smiling faces are so much easier to recall...so I choose to picture them both laughing.

Paige said...

My heart hurts for all of you today.

Kari said...

Teresa, I'm sorry that your brother isn't here with you anymore. That's so sad and my heart aches for you. I want to say so much more, but just can't find the words. This was a wonderful post, though. You really spoke from your heart (well, you ALWAYS do that, but this was even more special). God Bless.
Kari

Susie Q said...

This was a wonderful tribute to a very special man. Myheart just aches for you sweetie. I have no owrds to help but I know that you hold beautiful memories and his spirit lives on in his children and in you and your sister. Hold tight to the smiles and laughter...he is there with you.

Hugs a plenty,
Sue

Lavender Chick said...

T, I am so sorry about your loss. And the fact that it is the one year anniversary, means having to re-live the shock and sadness of it all. So sorry.

You're so sweet and uplifting, I know you're now thinking of all the great memories and wonderfulness that he brought to so many.

My heart breaks for you, but I also smile & laugh with you for all the great stories I know you have!

PAT said...

Your tribute to your brother is beautiful. My heart aches for you.

Pat

Mary said...

Its far too young to die isn't it. My father died suddenly when I was 8. There are so many times I wish he was here and even though I'm old now I still wish he was around.I try to happy memories of him and like to think he is around somewhere keeping an eye on us all.

Laura said...

Ok sister... yesterday I reflected all day on that sad day one year ago. I went to the cemetary, I drove by Gary's house, I had dinner w/ his precious sons and not one tear did I shed. But reading your blog has me crying like a baby. You very eloquently were able to put into words feelings I think I have been suppressing for a year. What a BEAUTIFUL tribute to our big brother!!!

I love you!!!

Tea Time and Roses said...

I am so sorry to hear about your big brother. He sounds like a wonderful person, and a most terrific big brother... Your Tribute to him is a lovely one.

Hugs to all of you...

Beverly

Sandi McBride said...

Ok T, it's Friday dear heart, lets see some blogging going on, I'm bored and I'm all caught up on all my pals. I see you lagging...
Sandi

justabeachkat said...

Wow...what a beautifully written tribute to your brother! I'm so sorry about his death. Just looking at his photo, I know he was a kind and sweet person. Take comfort in the fact that you will see him again in Heaven. Thinking of you.....

Hugs!
Kat

tina said...

I'm crying for you Teresa! Your brother's picture..very good-looking! You are something..you know how to put in words a wonderful tribute to your brother...you will see your brother again, the Lord's word to us!

Lallee said...

What a terrible loss for you, Teresa. I know you must miss him terribly!

Hugs,
Lallee

joan said...

Teresa, I lost my brother last year also. He was 52 too. I am so sorry for your loss. It's hard losing a sibling. Take care.